Some of you might be wondering if people with paralysis can have children. Yes they can. Of course every situation is different and the routes they go about to conceive children are different. Here is our story.
I didn't think I would be writing about our struggle with infertility so soon on our blog, I always figured I would when the time came for us to start over with IVF. Yesterday I did what every normal human being does when they wake up, check Facebook, check Instagram, check Snapchat and whatever other social media outlet there is. I came across a video on my friend Andrea's page and I wasn't going to click on it but the headline about a couple adopting a new born baby caught my eye. With in minutes of watching the video of this couple talking about their struggle with infertility I was a sobbing mess. I sent Ryan the link and said you need to watch this. He to was a sobbing mess and we talked about how we could relate to this couple so much. I instantly felt compelled to write about our journey, our struggle with starting a family.
Ryan and I were married in 2010 and knew that we eventually wanted to have kids and that the process wouldn't be quick or easy. Our doctors recommend IVF. For the farmers that follow along with us, its not that much different then cattle insemination. The short version of IVF goes like this, they extract Ryan's sperm, I go on hormones to have my ovaries produce more eggs, once there is enough they extract my eggs. They then put Ryan's sperm and my eggs together and let them grow, some are then froze for future use if applicable. Once my uterus is a happy environment they do a transfer and place the embryo or embryos inside. Afterwards you go on more hormones and have another blood draw two weeks later to find out if you are going to be parents or not. Sounds easy enough but its a rollercoaster. Hormones on top of hormones, numerous blood draws, ultrasounds and many doctors appointments. IVF is very much a timed out process, you don't have much of a life while you are going through it because everything is revolved around that. Its not only physically demanding but also emotional draining.
End of fall 2012 we had our first transfer. Two weeks later we got the devastating phone call that it was not successful. Ryan and I were upset of course but a few of the couples we know that had gone through IVF didn't get pregnant until their third try, so we thought that would be us. We tried again right away in 2013,to have transfer number two not be successful. We gave ourself a break after that. End of 2013 we tried for transfer number three, we had three embryos left and we decide all of them would go in, knowing very well that if triplets were to happen well then it would be God's plan. During a routine ultrasound 1 week before the transfer they found a polyp in my uterus, they canceled the transfer and scheduled surgery to remove the polyp. March of 2014 we tried again to yet have our transfer be canceled and another surgery scheduled to remove another polyp. Our doctors recommend trying right away after the surgery to do the transfer to less likely have another polyp form, so we did. Only two embryos were placed because the third did not continue to develop once it was thawed. Two weeks later we called in to the hospital to find out that our transfer was unsuccessful. My heart sank, I remember curling up on my bed sobbing wondering why this was happening, why was God not blessing us with children, why was He not answering our prayers. You start to questions God's goodness for you, hadn't we been through enough. You see all of your friends getting pregnant having babies, or you start seeing more teen pregnancies and you just wonder what am I doing wrong, why am I being punished. Why would God give a baby to someone that doesn't have a stable loving home or who can't financial take care of them. People start to construe your frustrations with jealousy and its anything but that. Nobody can fully understand what you are going through unless they have gone through it. If only I could get pregnant on my own the way God intended it to be. To not have to pay to get pregnant. Then you start to get the comments of oh just adopt, being pregnant is awful enough, then you won't have to go through it. This always coming from the person who has their own children, who has been through pregnancy. We are not opposed to adoption, but back then I felt like that man on the video I didn't want a bandaid baby or a quick fix, I wanted the child that's planned for me.
Not only did our struggle with IVF put a huge strain on us as individuals but us as a couple. We started to drift further apart both being filled with anger and sadness. I felt like God put me on this earth to be a farm wife and a mom. I started to question God's plan for me, wondered what my purpose was, wondered how I could live a full life with out having a child. Wondered how I could live a full life with a spouse in wheelchair who was slowing becoming more of a roommate then my husband. Over this last year Ryan and I have worked through those issues and Ive learned that every baby is a blessing from God know matter how it is brought into this world. Ive learned that I can have a full life and be happy even if we don't have children.
This video that I watched on Facebook gave me a renewed sense of hope. God has a plan for me for Ryan for us, and its all in His timing. I think He laughs at us when we try to do it our way, when our life story has already been written for us. Even through all the pain and heart ache with IVF God was with us, this was part of His plan for us. The difficulty we had with our marriage we both agreed that it was a blessing that God did not give us a child. We simple were not ready to be parents because He knew we a had a much harder road ahead of us to go through. Today we feel ready, our marriage is in the best place it has ever been and when the timing is right we will try over with IVF or if adoption is the path God wants us to go then we will. Some of it has to do with just finically having the money to start over with IVF and some of it has to do with the fact we are just enjoying our time together. Yes its still hard when we see family and friends having babies but we know that God is in control. We will continue to pray and have faith.
So I encourage you to watch this video its 14 minutes long but worth the watch. I also encourage you to share this with anyone who may be struggling with infertility, we've been there it sucks, but we are here for you! Once you start talking about it you find more and more people who have gone through something similar and Ryan and I have learned that all the support you can get is well needed. Trust and have faith!