Friday I ventured to see Dr. Corfman for my baseline ultrasound. I was telling Ryan it literally took me longer to undress and dress myself then to have my ultrasound. Hour and twenty minute drive one way, for literally a five minute appointment, but worth it to have the comfort of Dr. Corfman and his staff. This appointment was to make sure my uterine lining was nice and thin and that my ovaries didn't have any cysts. Im happy to report my baby making parts all looked well. This morning I started my FSH (follicle stimulating hormone), this is to stimulate my ovaries to produce more eggs. I will be doing this injection morning and night for probably a week and a half, maybe less maybe more. I will head back up on Wednesday for another ultrasound and blood draw. Shortly after that appointment I will get my instructions on increasing my dosage of my FSH and starting another injection called Menopur. After this appointment I will be going up every 2-3 days for ultrasounds and blood draws. This week I only work a couple days and then have some time off. Im looking forward to having the down time to just relax and get some stuff done around the house. I also think it will do well for my emotions to have some time off of work. Needless to say I think my emotions have been a rollercoaster the last few days. Im not sure how Ryan can put up with me and my mood swings but like any good man, he just goes with the flow.
Ryan and I talked about how our nerves have really kicked in now. Yes we are excited but the fears from our last journey with IVF have started in. Its hard to stay positive and not be worried when our first experience was so so awful. We know that God is in control and that whatever happens will be His will but its still hard to not be scared. We love our doctor and feel that we are in very good hands so that brings us some peace. Ive been able to have a pen pal buddy on Instagram who is also going through IVF and is just a couple days ahead of us in their IVF cycle . Having the comfort of a friend going through the exact same thing at the exact same time is very comforting. Please continue the prayers for us. We appreciate every single prayer, text and email that we have received. Please pray that our hearts have some peace in this process and that we can really let go the pain of our first journey with IVF. Its such a silly thing holding on to pain, it does you know good, it only makes things worse, then why do we hold on to the difficult times? Part of me feels like I'm waiting for God to just do his thing, to take away these feelings Ryan and I both have. But then I think maybe God is waiting for me, waiting for us to come to him. Waiting for us to fully let go of the struggle and just focus on him. I would say I pray on a regular basis but lately I find it difficult to pray for this family that we want so badly. Im not sure why, God knows the desires of my heart but maybe its just hard to pray because Im really scared of the pain and sadness we could potentially endure again. As Ryan puts it why does everything we do in life have to be such struggle. I can't answer that but all I know is God has a plan even when it is a struggle.