First off I want to thank each and everyone of you for your prayers, love, and support. Second, I want to say thank you for being patient these last couple days and giving us time to process our thoughts and share our results with our family first. We are very excited to tell everyone that God answered all of our prayers and that we are officially PREGNANT!! My blood test came out with a beta HCG level of 1,747. This number will continue to double every one to two days for these first few weeks. We decided to wait to share our good news to find out the results of our second blood test that we had this morning, just to make sure that everything was going in the right direction. Also we wanted to be able to share our news with our families first and close friends before sharing on social media. My blood test this morning went really well and my beta HCG level was 3,715. This a very good sign that things are going along as they should. If you remember we transferred two embryos and we won't find out if both embryos implanted until my first ultrasound in May. I will have this appointment with Dr. Corfman and then afterwards will be transferred to a local hospital to continue my care.
Monday was a hard day. Emotionally I was a wreck and cried off and on the whole way to and from my doctor's appointment. I was so scared and nervous. I was fully preparing myself to have the results go either direction. I kept telling God please just let us be pregnant, please just let this work. I think as a coping mechanism I was trying not to get my hopes up since we had heard the dreaded not pregnant three times before. I decided in the car that if we didn't get the answer we wanted that we would continue to thrive. That bad news wouldn't break us or prevent us from fully living our life. I also decided that if we got bad news that my goal in blogging about our IVF journey was to bring more awareness about infertility. To show people that it really is a journey and a hard one at that. To also show people that its ok to talk about infertility and that if I could potentially help someone along the way that this whole IVF process would be worth it. After they drew my blood one of my favorite nurses gave me a hug and I pretty much lost it again and expressed how emotionally drained I was and just so nervous to find out. Over the weekend I kept thinking about how if we aren't pregnant then what would be my purpose on this world. What would be next in my life if I couldn't be a mom. Ever since I was a little girl I wanted to be a mom. I wanted to marry a farmer, live on a farm, have some kids and live off the land. I knew that if God didn't answer our prayers that yes I would be ok but I was really scared about what my life would be like if I never got to be a mother.
Ryan and I decided we would wait until after work to call into our voicemail system to get our results. The day actually went fast, not fast enough but going to work in the afternoon helped keep my mind off of things. I couldn't get home fast enough and man did my stomach hurt. Ryan and I held hands in our kitchen called into our voicemail and patiently waited for our message to play. My tears started in as I heard the nurse talk and I thought for sure its negative by the sound of her voice and then she said that they had very good news and Ryan and I both burst into tears. We cried so much we had to replay the message again since we didn't even listen to it after we heard her say those words. There we sat in our kitchen on April 17th at 5:30 at night holding each other tight, crying and thanking God for answering our prayers. I was so hysterical that Ryan had to tell me to breathe to calm myself down. I only wish I had recorded this moment so we could play if for our future child or children, but this moment will forever be ingrained in my memory. We spent the rest of the evening seeing both sets of parents and giving them the good news and also seeing Ryan's brother and sister in law and making a few phone calls and text messages to many family members and close friends.
I always thought that we would be missing out by not being able to surprise our parents with the news that we are expecting but you know what we didn't miss anything at all. Having our parents be apart of this journey along with all of our family members, friends and all of our readers makes sharing our news that much more exciting. Both sets of parents cried tears of joy, my sister in law was the same and we got the reaction that we always wanted to get. Its even more awesome because we had so many people praying for us, routing for us and that God answered those prayers. God is so good people, so good!! There are so many moments I can think over and over these last couple weeks that he was fully present in my life. When I was struggling or having negative thoughts I would get a text, email or Facebook message from family or friends and it would help pull me out of those moments. I had a high school classmate send me the nicest message over the weekend. I haven't talked to her probably since high school and at that moment I was on the verge of tears from a gut full of worry and literally her messaged help me to change my thoughts and think positive again.
Besides finding out that we are expecting Ryan and I got good news the week prior that will help us further our farming career. So many things seem to be lining up in our life right now and we can only contribute that to God laying out his plan for us. Im telling you guys when you fully give God the reigns in your life, he will bring you so much more then you could have ever imagined. God's timing is perfect, God's plans are perfect. We may not understand that hardships when we are going through them, but trust me there is a reason for those hardships. Now people may roll their eyes when I talk about this whole faith and Jesus thing but I don't care. God is so awesome! My faith is not perfect and it wavers from time to time but Ive never stopped believing that Jesus died to save me from my sins. I may not be able to quote every verse form the bible but I know this God loves me and he loves you to. He is there for you in every area of your life, trust in him, lean on him and keep your faith strong. The moment we got the news that we were pregnant I literally felt like God was there wrapping his arms around us. For a long time I felt like the bad choices I made in life earlier would prevent me from being a mother, that God wouldn't bless us with children because of my sins. Ive struggled for along time to let go of things in the past and to forgive myself and right now I feel like Ive finally let those things go. I feel such a renewed sense of faith and my love for God feels even more stronger. My love for Ryan is even more stronger as well. He really has been so positive through out this whole process and I can't wait to do this whole parent thing with him by my side. It will be our biggest adventure yet and we will be sure to give thanks to God and let him continue to lead us. When we put him first in our life and in our marriage thats when life started to work, that's when our prayers started to be answered.
So now begins the worlds longest pregnancy. Im considered 5 weeks and 3 days today. Im feeling pretty good, slightly tired and certain areas seem to be growing at a rapid pace but overall I feel like Im glowing. I can't help but smile and even still shed a few tears from time to time on how blessed Ryan and I are. I know most people wait to tell others when they are in their second trimester but really I can't help but want to tell everyone. Anything can happen between now and 9 months, God forbid it does, but if something happens we will have that many people there to pray for us and support us. There is such a stigma on telling people and I feel like I shouldn't have to wait to tell people about this beautiful blessing or blessings growing inside of me. On that note we want to asked for continued prayers on a healthy pregnancy. I hope that God will continue to keep my body strong for the next 9 months. We will continue to do updates along the way over the next 9 months. Ryan and I can't thank everyone enough for the prayers and support. You have helped us get through this incredible journey. They say it takes a village to raise a child, sometimes it takes a village to help create one. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart!! Yet again I'm crying all the happy tears!! Look for an update in May on the results of our ultrasound.